baby blue buick
carpeted seats
wide squealing hinged doors
it wasn’t traumatic
just confusing
another ten minutes of play
between catch and swingset and making
living room towns of matchbox cars
and cardboard boxes
real worlds to a five-year-old
wearing blue’s clue’s tank top
and frilly shorts and velcro strap sandals
hairband holding bleach blonde strands
mom says keep the computer room door open
she calls my uncle a raypest
but i’ve never met him
my cousin eli is the best playmate
six months older but not much taller
dirt stained basketball shorts and baseball jersey
shared love for grandma’s mac n cheese
he knows new games besides barbies
and dress up and we have the most laughter
outside in the yard and driveway
all of a sudden he climbs into buick
and tells me to follow close the door we
get close together and he bumps his hip on
mine over and over and grunts like when
he throws a football across the yard
what are you doing?
we’re having seks
what is seks?
it’s what grown ups do
we’re playing grown ups
Bella Aase is a recovering perfectionist and graduate student in the MFA creative writing program at Hamline University. She received a BA in English Writing from University of Northwestern – St. Paul and runs a Substack journal called Wax and Sonder. She lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota with her husband, John, who is also a writer.
Serotonin 