//silent scream//
my husband asked me what happens
when two people talk to me at once and
I said I become a caged animal
who is backed into a corner
and the sweat falls in clear bullets and
that’s irrational, that’s completely irrational
to hate a noise this much but
it grates each and every hill
of my spine and gets stuck
inside me like
a silent scream
//big light//
my husband asked me what happens
when the overhead light is on after dark and
I said it’s like having my body sliced
open in a surgical room and
the light is a poison contaminant
that clings to the underside of my skin
and burns
whenever I close my eyes, not
to be dramatic but
//trace//
my therapist said you’re handling this
so well, and I said thank you and
I told him about the knobs
(door knobs, stove knobs, round shape, open O)
I have to unlock and relock the doors
each night and sometimes rattle the
knobs in case they’re not locked
in clear breach of security, I explained
an invitation to danger, I clarified—
check them check them check them
check them
not done—check again
who knows how long it will take
for the knob demons to release me
(not yet):
trace the word DOOR
trace the word STOVE
trace it forwards trace it backwards
trace it forwards and backwards two or
four times, never three and never
five, to ward off
home invasion thoughts—
where
everyone close to me will suffer and
I’ll be forced to witness the suffering
and it will be my fault—
for leaving the door unlocked
//goblin//
my therapist said you’re handling this
so gracefully, and I said thank you,
I spent an hour last night crawling on the floor
around the fridge to locate a strange new sound—
not one of the regular appliance sounds—
but a
high pitched goblin shriek from around the basin and
it only took an hour but I located the sound and
it was just
the ice maker.
(it’s always the ice maker.)
Keti Shea is a neurodivergent lawyer and writer based in Northern Colorado. Shea’s writing has been published in Reverie Mag, Swim Press, Oranges Journal, Cosmorama, Inside Voice, Nuthole Publishing, Twenty Bellows, Libre Lit, and Wild Roof Journal. Shea’s CNF piece, “Bad Dick,” which explores social conditioning and rape culture, was a 2024 Best of the Net nominee. Shea shares more about publications—which focus on trauma, queer motherhood, and neurodiversity—on Instagram, Bluesky, and Substack @ketishea.
Serotonin 